“Una good day o…
I greet all my fellow firstborns and breadwinners, please if you are not in this category just dress back small.
As a firstborn child, I had a front-row view of all the shege my family was going through. My dad lost his job when I was much younger and never seemed to fully recover from that. My mum on the other hand was a government worker who had to cater for a family of 7 in the tough city of Lagos. My mum tried her best, I can attest to that. But, there were times, really low times my family was just surviving not living.
I saw all these and determined that I was going to work hard and make sure that I helped my family in any way I could and even bring us out of that state we were in. So, even while in the university, I was making money from my side hustles. This really relieved my mother of some burden as it enabled me to send a little cash back home when I could.
I graduated and got a well-paying job, and I began to send money home. Gradually the requests started getting bigger and I found myself sending more and more money home. My siblings were all grown up, some in the university and the last two in secondary school.
My salary was no longer mine and no matter how hard I tried to stick to my budget, it never really worked out.
It took a while for it to register in my head like a lightbulb switched on in my brain one day.
I realised I was basically living for my family. I had no investments, no relationship, no house, no car and I was just working every single day of my life, not every single day but sha you get it.
Omo, that day was my turning point. I decided, “Nope, there are going to be some changes.”
I am going to be listing out some of the decisions I made and the actions I took to change things. I believe this will help my fellow firstborns and breadwinners.
- Set the right boundaries- I am not an advocate of not helping your family o. I believe family is key and when God has blessed you, you should never forget your family but let there be boundaries. I repeat do not forget your family or be overly stingy with them. Include them in your life as much as you can but draw a line when it comes to information about your finances.
- Budget a certain amount that goes to your family- If you don’t do that, you will just realise you are sending money after every call, let them know you are sending this particular amount every month and it should not be mismanaged.
- Demand to know what money is being used for- This money they are asking for, is it a pressing emergency or is it one party they want to buy aso-ebi for? Ask o. Ask the lastborns specifically- they usually know everything that happens in the house and they will not hesitate to talk.
- Let them understand that times are not smooth- Sometimes, the plain truth is just the best. Everyone is aware that times are not rosy at all anywhere. Money is not easy to come by. If you can’t meet their current needs, just let them know. Honestly, it is better than not picking up calls or dodging them. Just talk. If you have, give. If not? Don’t be afraid to tell the truth.
These are the steps I took that made me reset my view on my family’s situation. I realised I am not the ultimate saviour of my family and I can never solve all their problems. I can only help out in my own little way.
Since then I have been able to build a life for myself while taking care of my family. Once in a while, I even surprise my mum with big gifts and extra money. This is to assure her that I have not forgotten her despite all the measures I put in place.
So, dear firstborn, dear breadwinner- you are not their saviour. Help in any way you can but don’t kill yourself. Remember to live and take care of yourself.”
Yours truly,
Fellow firstborn and breadwinner
