I always considered myself a good girl, I was well brought up and very in tune with what was considered good and bad. I particularly hated the topic of dating married men because of what it did to my parent’s marriage. I was one of those people who swore never to date a married man. I always said it can never be me until eventually, it was me. Just dey play.
I worked at a restaurant in Moscow where I met this man. He didn’t appeal to me at first because he wasn’t my kind of man. He kept visiting, continued pestering me and eventually, I agreed. I wasn’t aware he was married. Even though he was not very young, he never mentioned or hinted that he was married.
He was very caring, attentive and always spoiled me with gifts and money. I was seriously considering getting married to him, that was until I found out he was married. How did I find out?
I used to visit his apartment and never saw a trace of another person living there and although we had been together for a little while the topic of whether he was married never came up.
He travelled home to Nigeria for a few weeks and when he returned, I was at his apartment ready to receive him. The first thing that threw me off when I started unpacking his bag was how neatly arranged everything was- from the clothes folding to how they were arranged in order of importance.
I had been with this man for a while and I knew he wasn’t the most organized man. In fact, several times in the past I have had to clean up his apartment, so imagine my shock when his luggage was looking so in order.
I asked him who packed his bags for him and he brushed it off and said it was one of his cousins who was visiting. I wasn’t satisfied with that answer but I didn’t say anything. You’d be shocked how the neatly arranged bag kept coming to mind and deep down I knew something was off.
I eventually went through his phone and confirmed my fears, he was ‘happily married’ with a child. I even saw a very recent family picture they took together.
Honestly, I was not that shocked, just a little bitter. I had firsthand knowledge from my parents on the effects of cheating and the picture of them together with their little child kept haunting me.
I continued with him and tried to justify it, that we had not been together for that long and that I didn’t even know about his family. But there was that uneasy feeling that refused to leave and I just knew I had to break things off even though it was hard- probbaly the hardest thing I have had to do in my life.
I got the courage after about three weeks. It was so painful because he was a very good man. I told him everything and he wasn’t bothered, he took it well and told me there was nothing there and that there are a lot of open marriages today.
I told him he was not honest with me because he intentionally hid the fact that he was married, but he said he didn’t think it was necessary and I was just so pissed.
I finally broke things off and it was after the break up that I realised how dependent I was on this man. At some point, I started asking myself if I had made the right decision.
I was so disoriented and on the verge of being broke too. He introduced me to a lifestyle and vibe I couldn’t keep up without him there. I forged through those hard times and kept telling myself I couldn’t date a married man and soon enough I figured it out. I’m back out here in the scene hoping that one day I will meet the one for me.
What do you think about open marriages and/or cheating husbands?
