“I’ve never really had money issues, partly because my parents supported me every step of the way. Then I met my now ex-boyfriend, who spoiled me, and money was simply never a concern.
I was living comfortably and seriously considering settling down with him until I started noticing things I simply couldn’t keep up with. After battling different emotions and weighing whether to stay or leave, I finally made the painful decision to end things.
It wasn’t easy, and I won’t go into the specifics of everything that was wrong but eventually, I walked away.
Nobody prepares you for the shock of being heartbroken and broke at the same time. He was my first serious boyfriend and in many ways my provider. Aside from the emotional turmoil, I was suddenly and completely broke.
Since we got together, I’d stopped getting money from my parents and they just assumed I was fine from work. The first few months after the breakup were so difficult. My parents sent money, but it wasn’t enough.
I took on extra jobs just to try and maintain the standard of living my ex had introduced me to. In the middle of all this financial panic, I found myself strongly considering going back to him to try and sort out our issues.
Then, one day, I stumbled across a video about how some people intentionally spoil their partner, creating a level of dependence so deep that the partner becomes incapable of leaving or moving on.
If that partner eventually does leave, they feel like no one else can measure up. The ex becomes the subconscious yardstick for every man she meets, and she often finds herself running right back even though everything is screaming not to.
I was too stunned to speak. The video was short, but devastatingly accurate. It was like a light switch flipped in my head: this was my reality. The fact that I was ready to condone all the wrong things in our relationship just to cling to a certain lifestyle meant something was deeply wrong.
The years I spent with him had rewired my thinking without me even realizing it. I sat for a long time, remembering all the times I brought up business ideas or anything I wanted to do to add value to myself.
He would just brush it under the carpet and tell me not to worry about such things. I was so foolishly “in love” that I failed to see I wasn’t making any progress as an individual. Yes, I went to school and graduated, but personally, I felt like I had stalled in every other way.
A certain level of interdependence is natural in a serious, long-term relationship. But once that person becomes like an idol or your sole source for everything, that’s your cue to start thinking.
Please, don’t rely on someone else to get by in your life. Go out there and do something. Ask yourself, If this person were no longer here, could you truly survive?
I left my ex, and yes, I regretted it, but only for a while. I committed to planning my life and doing all the things I had put off for years. I am proud to say that I am doing better than I could have ever imagined.
Your life and your happiness should never be solely in the hands of one person.”
~
E-Solutions is committed to the African community in Russia. Message us on WhatsApp if you are not yet seeing our updates.
If you want to get help on the latest apartment spaces, job listings, and sending packages to and from Russia, you can join our Telegram community for Africans living in Russia.
Also, keep up with the latest news and updates on our information channel. #ESolutionsDeyForYou
Read our recent posts here:
Ranking the Best Cities in Russia: From the Perspective of One African in Russia