I used to use dating apps a lot, and recently, I had a terrible experience that I just need to share.
This particular guy and I started talking. I checked his profile. It was cool, and he was cute. We decided to meet at a restaurant one nice evening. The conversation was flowing, the food was great, and his vibes were okay.
He started asking about my job and what I do. I gave him a brief rundown of my position at my company. He seemed genuinely interested and wanted more details, so I thought, Okay, why not? I gave him the nitty-gritty details I wouldn’t normally share.
After explaining my role, achievements, and everything, guess his next question? I quote: “But can you cook a good pot of soup?” Ah, from where to where na? I was shocked, stunned, in fact. Too stunned to speak for nearly two minutes.
This man then started talking about how “a lot of people have achievements but can’t do basic things.” I was like, Ehen? I didn’t know such people still existed in this day and age. I smiled, humbly told him we couldn’t continue the conversation, paid, stood up, and left.
Now, I know some reading this might defend his behavior. Calm down. Let me finish.
As a normal person, when someone shares their achievements, goals, or something commendable, the next step isn’t to undermine them with a backhanded question.
Of all possible follow-ups, maybe challenges I face, pros and cons of my job, future aspirations, even a simple compliment would have been fine. But no, he chose to ask about my soup skills.
I know gender roles are a hot topic in Nigeria/Africa, but that’s not the focus here. Don’t let noise cloud basic courtesy. Interestingly, only women get these questions. You won’t see a man asked if he can fix a bulb or cook.
Even among friends: someone shares good news, and instead of celebrating, you poke holes in it. Brushing aside someone’s hard work due to your own insecurity or low self-esteem isn’t okay. Even as a “joke.”
Be happy for people. Celebrate them. Don’t respond to milestones with demeaning questions.
By the way, I CAN cook. Yes, I can cook for 100 people if needed. It’s a hobby I’ve had since childhood. I even cook dishes from other tribes. The issue wasn’t the question itself but the timing, the way he asked immediately after I listed my capabilities (which he requested, by the way) gave weird vibes.
In case you don’t know, this trait is called negging, and may deliverance come upon all under this category. You better change.
I come in peace… or violence. You choose for yourself.
To share your (long or short) story, please complete this form provided below. We look forward to hearing from you.
Your privacy matters to us, and we understand the significance of anonymity. If you prefer, we will ensure your story is shared without revealing your identity.
Also, keep up with latest news and updates for Africans in Russia on our Telegram community and the information channel. #ESolutionsDeyForYou